In my short time at University I have encountered people who have incredible minds with incredible ideas. They have demonstrated the skill to produce an entertaining piece of media in a short time using only what resources were made available to them. Some if not all of these individuals demonstrate the skills to achieve promising careers in the media industry, I would like to think that one day I would walk into a cinema and think to myself; “I went to university with this film’s Director, Cinematographer, Editor, Sound designer, etc.”
It is a pity that I cannot see this same amount of creativity in myself, which begs the question why I was accepted into Coventry University in the first place. I wonder if I deserve this placement at the UK’s No. 1 University when I have no faith in my own abilities, If cannot live up to my own standards what hope do I possibly have of living up theirs? I do not pretend to understand what others see in me but it would be nice to see myself through their eyes at least once, perhaps then I may be able to see the talent that I have been lead to believe I possess.
Sometimes I ask myself who had to lose their opportunity to go to University for me to have mine. Perhaps they would have been more deserving and the four week project that I had failed to support as worthwhile member would have been even better than it was. Perhaps they could have contributed more than I did because I don’t think anyone could have been as useless as me.
I enjoy everything that I have experienced of the media industry from College to University, even when it was hard I still took something from it that increased my understanding of this complicated industry. However I cannot shake this feeling that I do not deserve this. Perhaps I’m here simply to play the lowest common denominator that motivates everyone not to sink that low. Maybe this is fates way of spitting in my face for ever hoping to achieve something in media. Whatever the case maybe this feeling of worthlessness started in College and has followed me to University.
What should I do?